Memories, Death and what keeps me up at night

September 14 2015

Hi to all 23,379 of you ! Thank you to the previous authors for making me laugh, cry ,and think.

I’d like to tell you about when I was around six years old… I broke my arm after attempting to do a “what not to do” karate move for my sister (Hi Kel , I won the Listserve and it was really hard to keep it from you but I wanted it to be a surprise) . I remember my mother taking me to the emergency room and being so concerned, I also remember eating the best tasting bomb pop of my life. That was when I realized I wouldn’t be able to live without my mother. In my six year old mind set it was made up, if anything happened to my mother I would just take my own life. My mother died 14 years later. It brought back the fears I had when I was younger. How can I do this? How can a person go on without their mother. I only had her for 20 years. What I didn’t realize until a few months later is that I was actually lucky. No, I’m not lucky that my mother died…I am lucky that I knew her for 20 whole years. Some people never have a mother, some people lose their mother at an earlier age than I did. I should be happy I got to spend those 20 years with her. Which brings me to my ongoing fear of death – I think about it quite often. Today is September 11, 2015, a day which brings out that fear in many people. I stay up at night thinking about how it will feel to die, kids that are starving in Africa, human trafficking and various other stressful things. I need a better way to manage my thoughts .

I’ll switch gears and talk about fun stuff . I am envious at the travel stories other Listserve authors have provided. I have only been out of my country (USA) internationally to travel to Canada ! I feel now that I may be too old to go to all of the places I want to go ( I am 31 ! ) France, I’m looking at you ! I don’t have any words of wisdom, wait, maybe I do . Recycle, wait, no… don’t recycle, yes, do recycle. Don’t waste food – my family taught me the importance of this , when you have food you don’t think of how precious it really is. Didn’t finish the green beans from dinner tonight, I bet they would go well in a vegetable soup tomorrow. It makes me cringe when I see people toss perfectly edible food.

I’d like to give a should out to my cat, Pit-Pat , too bad she can’t read. I feel lucky to be alive but I am sad that I am getting old. I long for the days of simplicity…hanging out on the front porch till 4am, talking, not worrying about if I’m going to have enough money to pay my bills every month. I didn’t take it all in when I was young, and it hit me like a ton of bricks as I got older. I love the city I live in (Pittsburgh, PA), but I would rather be living in Texas ! Tell the important people in your life how much they mean to you, a small gesture goes a long way. Be kind and root for the Pittsburgh Pirates . Feel free to keep in contact.

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Pittsburgh, PA

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