I thought the chances of my being selected were so slim that I’d never have to consider what I’d write for this. And now that I’ve been selected, I thought about letting it go and pretending I didn’t win. But I got chosen, and I don’t think that’s just an accident I should ignore. I don’t really believe in accidents at all. Even if there isn’t a traceable cause-and-effect leading to an event, our emotions and the love or disgust we feel all have bearing on what happens to us next.
I’m not religious, but I have faith in reason and reaction, and life becomes much more bearable when we stop looking for the answer to the question of “why.” Instead, we can embrace life’s uncertainty and explore it. At 27, I don’t entertain illusions about finding the meaning in life anymore. I don’t think there is any one meaning. So I’ve chosen to make my own, which boils down simply to “see what happens next.”
Life can be horribly sad. I’ve loved and lost a number of people close to me, sometimes by my own choice. Those moments are always followed by months of depression, reflection, and trying to occupy my time. Up to this point, though, I’ve always been able to find a way to channel those feelings of isolation and come back a little bit. By taking a trip, doing a new project, and by leaning on friends. All of the sadness in my life has brought me to the next happiness. I don’t expect that cycle to ever end end for me, so all I can do is lean into it and see what’s on the other side of the next wave.
P.S. — I used to be a camp counselor, and one of my campers said that phrase in the subject line to me about 6 years ago. It stuck.
Los Angeles, CA