October 09 2015

Floccinaucinihilipilification – the act of deeming something as worthless. I try and get that into a sentence daily.

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A SHORT STORY: (based on personal experience)

Standing with the pebbles beneath my feet and sand between my toes, I looked out to sea, and contemplated life. I began thinking to myself; ‘What is it all for? What is it all about? What's even the point in living?’ The beach is one of my favourite places to be; the peacefulness makes me feel relaxed and blissful, a feeling I don’t usually get. As I looked out towards the azure sea, with the fulgent sun glinting in the water, I wondered what it would be like to be different. I wondered what it would feel like to be 'normal'. I thought about whether life would be better if I was different, and ‘normal’. I wondered whether life would be more bearable and clear sailing. Behind me, I heard the crunching of feet on bitty beach pebbles. I turned, to catch sight of Connor, my best friend. Connor loves me no matter what, and I am very thankful for that. But on this day, I was unsure what would happen between us.
“What you doing?” asked Connor, in his friendly and kind voice.
“Just thinking,” I replied, bluntly, with a sense of anguish in my voice.
“What are you thinking about?” enquired Connor, again in a calm voice.
“Just life. It’s rubbish, ain’t it?” I said, with even more dispiritedness in my voice.
“What’s the matter?” asked Connor.
I sat down in the sand, and threw a few stones into the sea.
“You know you can tell me,” continued Connor in his soft, calming tone, before sitting down next to me and trying to get my attention.
“Well, you know how like… well how…” I stumbled over my words, stuttering at every letter. For the first time in my life, I felt the inability to speak. “You know like……… how I’ve never really had a proper girlfriend or anything?”
“Yes… come on, what’s the matter?” Connor asked patiently, still in his gentle tone.
“Well…… I’m… I…. I’m gay,” I said. My voice petered out on the last word, and I looked in the other direction and broke down crying.
After a pause, I faced Connor and we shared a warm hug. I wiped away my tears and tried to speak again normally.
“So… you’re okay with it then?” I asked.
“Of course I am. You’re my best friend. And you always will be” said Connor.
Finally with my breath (and speech) back, I managed to just about stumble over the words: “wow, that’s a real relief.”

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