Ever since I can remember I have felt alone. But I kind of like it that way.
A few examples:
At a party in high school, my friends dragged me out (again) even though I prefer to interact in small groups or not at all. I hid under a computer desk for the majority of the party. This was when I realized my behaviour was a bit odd.
I often go for a drink alone, just to think or watch hockey. (It’s the Canadian in me)
I have never felt that anyone understands or connects with me. No one has ever just “got” me. This causes me great anxiety. I did, however, meet an Uber driver in Chicago who seems to share this feeling with me, so virtual high five to him.
I used to smoke socially as a way to get away from the crowd. Until I realized that’s just plain stupid and conflicts with my healthy lifestyle/skincare regimen.
I used to live in Japan. In one sense, I was completely different from everyone and stood out. But in another, because I didn’t speak the language, I felt comfortably separate from everything.
The internet has allowed me to basically completely avoid any unnecessary interaction with other people. I can order pizza with an app. I can hail a cab without saying a word. That is awesome. I will do anything to avoid speaking to someone on the phone.
Please don’t ask me to go for lunch with you. It’s nothing against you. It’s just the only time in my workday I can escape.
If you have ever felt like this or this sits with you, worry not! I am a functioning person who I’m sure everyone thinks is an extrovert and very social. It just takes a lot of energy for me to be that way. I do however have some kick ass best friends and family who make my life incredible, thanks Kristen + Kate + Sam + Carley.
Some random things to round this out:
Elon Musk is the man, I love wine (try Norman Hardie in Canada or Scribe in the USA), I’m working towards a world where women and men can thrive equally, and wear sunscreen damnit! (At least SPF 30.)
Lots of love,
Instagram + Twitter
Toronto, Ontario, Canada