Everything I Threw Away

June 09 2015

Everything I Threw Away During My Day Off, the First of June in the Year of Our Lord 2015

1. 1 Snapple bottle, Diet Green Tea, pilfered from work on Sunday; recycled
2. 1 textured tin foil seal from a tub of Trader Joe's Nonfat French Vanilla yogurt
3. 1 bottle of LA Cetto red wine, the last glass of which I drank while watching last week's Game of Thrones; recycled
4. 1 bottle of TJ's maibock lager, drank while watching this week's GoT; recycled
5. 1 plastic quart bottle of skim milk, 1/2 of a spoiled serving of which I dumped down the drain; recycled
6. 8 Zaza candy wrappers, two of which I'd had in my pocket from a recent B&H run, six of which were from my girlfriend Nikki's bulk xmas gift
7. 1 2015 calendar of New Yorker cartoons that at this point clearly wasn't going to be used; recycled
8. 1 pair of dusty sheathless takeout chopsticks
9. 1 mid-sized roach disconcertingly found in my kitchen; flushed
10. 1 paper towel square, used to crush item 9
11. 1 Crystal Head Vodka bottle shaped like a skull, originally bought for a friend in 2009, since bequeathed to me; recycled
12. 1 half-empty bag of year-old cat treats neither my cat Mingus nor I enjoyed very much
13. 1 3" x 5" print of four identical photos of my parents' cat Tammy from which one of the four photos was cut out, origin unknown; recycled
14. 1 box of return address stickers bearing an old address
15. 1 tin of solidified knockoff Silly Putty
16. 1 pair of overlarge IMAX 3D glasses, circa, I believe, Avatar; recycled
17. 1 box of dryer sheets, emptied after two years of service; recycled
18. 3 quarters in a laundromat gambling machine, two of which were from 1965 which made me hesitate: MLK could have laundromat-gambled those exact quarters, or Kubrick, or a very young de Blasio, but then what am I expected to do with them if not keep the cycle going? so I did and won nothing
19. 1 6" length of notebook-spiral-frills from the side of the page this list was written on
20. 1 can of silly string, origin unknown
21. 1 Duane Reade bag of cat poop
22. 1 2013 TriBeCa Film Festival single-day pass and attached Heineken-ad lanyard, gifted from an old coworker's girlfriend who was busy
23. 1 corner of an envelope originally containing a t-shirt printed with the damn good Minneapolis restaurant Little Tijuana's logo, on which was written the name and return address of who I assume was that spot's owner a/o 2011 when I ordered the shirt, saved for forgotten reasons (maybe a never-written letter of support for that bit when they were closed?); hand-shredded, recycled
24. about 3/4 of my hair, via a haircut
25. 1 small bag of Takis Fuego chips
26. 1 large lampless lampshade, found on the street two years ago with every intention of finding a lamp for it
27. 2 pieces of Extra Peppermint gum, chewed, and their corresponding wrappers
28. 1 opportunity to write for The Listserve; recycled

Shouts to Ari.

Andrew Koller
Brooklyn, NY
[email protected]

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