Is there a book inside?

January 22 2013

I've worked with the public my entire adult life. Nearly 8 years as an assistant manager in a convenience store/gas station. Two years at Wal-Mart. The last 16 years in the veterinary field. I've spent a lot of time sharing my experiences with said public. On many occasions I've been told I should "Write all that shit down!" That it would "Make a great book!" Having always enjoyed putting pen to paper I have toyed with the idea for years. Now I have the chance to ask: Is there a book inside?

My words are limited here so rather than go into great detail, I thought I would list a partial cast of characters...and characters they were. These are just fine folks from the convenience store. Let's just say the people of wal mart site is pretty accurate. I'd need way more than 600 words just to get started on that job.

Ron.Mid 30's. Addicted to paint and glue. Face and shoes constantly dotted with evidence to back that up. Would do anything for a pack of smokes. Climb the telephone pole in only his underwear? Yes. Sell all his hair? Yes. Eat bugs? Sure.

Winston. Older gentleman. Always quiet and polite. Smoked menthol cigarettes that he preferred to shop for in the middle of the night. That way, he stood a much smaller chance of being noticed by the police while he walked the neighborhood stark naked. After being told by me that he had to wear at least underpants the next time he came in he showed up with a pair...on his head.

The man who tried to rob us while masturbating into our magazine rack. The 911 operator had the nerve to ask us if he had a deadly weapon.

The little girl who carried her change in her mouth and spit it onto the counter. That action very nearly resulted in an old fashioned butt whippin'.

The guy with Tom Cruise good looks who drove a flashy sports car with the plates that said "I'm Ugly" so people would tell him how wrong they were.

The employee who rang up scratch off tickets, for himself, instead of cigarettes every time he sold a pack. (Cigs were $2.00 then) He didn't know WHY this was stealing. He also held his head sideways. All the time.

The night clerk who had sex with the UPS guy in my office.

The milk delivery guy who met women on my parking lot and took them to his truck for quickies.

The woman in the Jaguar who would sit on the lot and honk-thinking we were full service. We weren't. She tried at least twice a week though.

The woman who pissed off the clerk on duty. He, in turn, shut down the air pump at the precise moment she would touch it to her tire. She would then walk back the the machine, restart it and head back to her tire. This happened about 20 times before she threw the hose to the ground and came back in the store to piss him off a little more. It was about 110 degrees out while this was happening. Don't piss off the clerk.

The employee who would randomly scream "Fuck You" at anyone who happened to be standing there. Customers, me, the district manager. At least he didn't steal scratch off's...

This is just a small sampling of the characters. I could go on and on but am running out of space and time. I welcome your comments, thoughts, suggestions. Tell me-Do YOU think there's a book inside?

Thank you for this opportunity.

Mary Elizabeth
[email protected]
St. Louis Missouri USA

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