Running at brick walls

May 12 2017

Hey Listers,

Quite a surprise for me to finally win and get to write something to y’all. I’ve very much enjoyed the list and love what it brings out in people, though I must admit that lately I haven’t been reading it much. Not sure why.

It’s interesting that, though I’ve pondered many times about what I’d write and have had some grandiose ideas, that now that it’s come time for me, I am oddly in a broken state and having a bit of a hard time. So, thanks for listening.

I imagined I would be able to tell some epic stories about the films I’ve been wanting to make or the ones I have made. I had hoped that I would have more stories “in the can” and wouldn’t be in this similar situation of never knowing if I’ll have enough gas to make it to next month.

I considered going on about my near death experience and month long coma due to pancreatitis with respiratory complications. One hundred years of dreams and hallucinations that all had a lot of meaning until I woke up and nobody understood. About the moment I woke up, realizing I was watching a story in dream land that could go on forever until I decided to do anything about it.

I wanted to give my two cents on my experience with chinese medicine, acupuncture, energy healing, herbology, nutrition, and coming back from the dead. Explain how our systems are broken and manipulated by the fearful and greedy to keep us sick and needy.

You probably don’t want to hear about my current struggles with addiction and recovery from injury. I know I wouldn’t. Tamper your drinking, try not to smoke, pills and powders are traps, and nitrous is the devil.

So here are the things I will say, and I will try and keep them specific and unique:

Run at brick walls. If you want something or have to do something and there is no way to do it, pick up speed. Once you put yourself in the position of going so fast that it’s either the destruction of any barrier or your demise, you’ll be amazed at what types of walls will crumble before you, or secret doors and passageways will become apparent but only because you are at speed without the notion of giving up.

Giving up is the only failure. Can you imagine not being able to accomplish something if you dedicate your life to it?

If you feel like you are stuck in a loop, know that you can change anything and everything. The prison is an illusion. Sprint as fast as you fucking can toward the hardest, scariest wall you can find and don’t slow down, ever.

Believe in the power of intention. It is a soft power that is hard to see but it’s one of the most powerful things we’ve got. Most people are good and believe they are doing good unless they are afraid, then even the most angelic will cause harm while running away.

Fight for freedom to, not freedom from.

It might all seem hopeless or pointless but try and be present, pay attention, and learn from everything you can. Help others, take care of yourself, and smile - especially when you don’t feel like it. Reduce, reuse and recycle. My religion is kindness but I work for water.

I love you all more than you can know. Take care of each other. Everything will be alright and you’re doing great already.


SF Bay Area, CA
[email protected]

comments powered by Disqus