Death, Dying, and Other Cheery Topics

October 02 2016

My grandfather died this summer. When I saw the body, I immediately thought "that's not him". The makeup was the wrong color. It didn't look like him. His hand felt plasticky. Something was missing. Where was the twinkle in his eye as made sarcastic jokes? He was gone. Seeing the body made it feel so real.

The last time I saw him was a couple months prior. I had no idea that it would be the last hug goodbye. It all happened so fast. Sickness and then death.

Hug the people you love!

I am not afraid of death. My mind used to want me to die. Depression is a horrible thing, a blackness that seeps into every corner of your mind. Things are a bit better now.

I still struggle to find meaning in life. I grew up in a religious home, but I am not religious anymore. I came to a point where I couldn't find any other reason to believe other than it was what I had been taught my entire life. Sometimes I wish I could force myself to believe, but that is just not possible. Ever since I gave up on religion, I've felt lost. Religion provided a framework for how to live my life, and had answers to questions of meaning and purpose. Now I am left without that framework, and must find my own meaning. But how?

What gives your life meaning? What do you live for?

I would love to hear your answers to these questions.

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