Relatively Few Things Considered

August 23 2016

I'm lucky, I guess?

I tried to die when I was born, and then I tried again a few years later when I got an unusually nasty flu. A dozen years after that someone dropped a rock off a bridge, magically hitting me in the head as I was trying to cross the river below, but I neither drowned nor died of a skull fracture. Subsequently, I've barely avoided being struck by lightning (20 feet), been stabbed (that really sucked), hit by a car (just a big bruise), gotten an arterial gas embolism (what?), had some bad luck with chemicals, narrowly avoided air accidents, grabbed a retaining bar in darkness at just exactly the right time to avoid a significant fall, been poisoned (why?), and been shot at a few times (they've missed every time so far, although once they used a rocket, which was really really surprising).

Every event thus far, the first thought in my head was some variant of "whaaaat?" followed closely by "aw, shit" (or an age-appropriate equivalent. I didn't swear as a kid). Depending on the event, later thoughts tend to be focused on why I can't hear, why I can't see, or why I can't feel important parts of me. Nothing profound. No life flashing before the eyes.

I have learned relatively little from any of this, except that dying sucks and almost dying also sucks to a lesser degree. I've seen people die, violently and otherwise, and between my repeatedly dodging fate and their failure to do likewise there's relatively little difference.

...and so now I find myself sitting quietly in a darkened house, listening to crickets, wondering when I'll next dodge fate. Or if I'll dodge fate next time. I'm thinking it'll probably be a car that gets me, or possibly something heart-related? As far as I know, nobody has any particular negative interest in me these days. In any event, I hope I won't outlive the few remaining people I care about.

Once upon a time, my personal slogan was: "the suffering of others builds my character". Can't remember where I heard that line. TV probably.

You can tell I wasn't the most considerate fellow. Nor the most cautious. I'd like to think I wasn't intentionally hurtful to anyone I didn't think deserved it, but if I could travel back in time I'd beat the shit out of myself, and if any of you can travel back in time I'd encourage you to do likewise.

These days, I think my slogan is more along the lines of: "well, shit, I guess this has probably gone about as well as we could reasonably expect?"

Which is probably a lie.

He's just some guy, you know?
Northern California, god help me

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