My name is not important. I am a 32 years old dude. I met a girl the first time I fell in love with her in the date mentioned on the title. We had chatted on IRC previously for a few months before we met. Everything was planned to the smallest detail. We finished at a beach that night, seducing each other, discovering “a little bit” of each other’s body.
Two years after that date she broke up with me. What she called monotony I called it stability. I cried so much that day. First love, first disappointment. I am thankful of not living in a country where I could have got easily access to a gun and have finished with my life. Even though, I tried my best with other alternatives. I failed, obviously.
After that date in 2003 we continued sporadically seeing each other. Sex was good, but hurtful. I joined to a gym and then to another one. It looked like if she somehow figured out where I was and she found me. The sweat made sex even hotter, but still hurtful.
At the gym they started to offer free salsa lessons for the members. I knew that if there was a place where she couldn’t find me it was there. She hated dancing and thought that people who dance latino were kinda losers. Salsa was my shield. Against her.
Years passed by and the “small” city where we lived made that I found her on the streets, sometimes when she was with her new partner, sometimes when I was with my new partner. A situation that killed me, day by day. Every time I intimated with a new girl, in the darkness of the room, I saw her (my ex).
In the last year of my degree I decided to apply for an exchange program at another university, in another country. I didn’t have too much hope for this. Actually it was her dream to finish her degree somewhere else. I think I heard that she couldn’t manage to go to study abroad. I did. Not my dream.
I finished in a country 4752 km from home. This country became my second shield, against her again. It was enough far away and too much cold for her. She won’t find me here. I hope. Although I sometimes want she finds me.
I still live in this country far away from home. I found a job and stability. Still alone though. I am consistent with myself and it looked like if I had decided I could not love anybody else. I have imagined a heart broken in thousand of pieces unable to love authentically as it did. A zombie life.
I have to confess that I sometimes search for her in Facebook, and I find her, always with the same old picture. I imagine myself sending her a message, or clicking on the button to become friend with her. Then I think twice and realized that, maybe, 13 years are too much time for a couple-break.
No matter the distance or the time, I keep my love and her memory intact as the first day. It’s an absurd suffering, I know, but I might have learnt to enjoy my drama. Maybe it will happen like in the film the Notebook and time has booked us in the future, when we are old.
“Nunca estarás tan lejos que mi amor no pueda alcanzarte.”
Thanks for reading me.
Peace and love.