Oh Hot Damn, This Is My Gram...

December 17 2015

Put this on your bucket list right now… Meet Nan.

Nan is my 79-year-old grandma. Growing up I would always tell people- your life will not be complete until you meet my grandma.

She is for a lack of better words, absolutely crazy. Not crazy in the, old lady, not really sure what’s going on crazy. But the knock your socks off, make you pee your pants crazy. Here are a few of her most prevailing traits-

- She swears constantly- She has literally given me a speech on how the ‘F’ word is not a swear word (Using the Lord’s name, however, is)
- She can without a doubt drink beer (Coors light 10oz cans- because the 10oz taste better) faster than anyone, regardless of gender, that I have ever met.
- She will be the first person to let you if you have gained a single pound and exactly where that little extra love has gone. Sometimes she makes you get on the scale and hovers as she asks “Are you up or are you down?”
- She has given me the middle finger more times than I could ever begin to count. Her favorite saying being “I think you’re number one.”
- She will tell you exactly how she feels about anything, or what she did that day, or worse- what she did when she was younger no matter how inappropriate. (i.e. why she doesn’t blame Monica for what may or may not have happened with the former Prez)

And let me tell you, all these things make her hilarious. Every single one is done with a laugh. Her intentions are pure. She would give you the shirt off her back, her very last dollar, her right arm and all those clichés that explain just how selfless someone can be. Yes- she gives me the up down every time I walk in to her presence, but she always tells me how beautiful I am. Her house has a revolving door and an almost constant flow of family and friends. She is the apex of a rather large family, all of which have spent nights crashing on her living room floor. She still gets excited for happy hour at her house on Friday’s after work where everyone stands around her in the kitchen sharing endless laughs. I can feel the love when I walked through the door.

Last week Nan was put in the hospital. It’s possible that she may not make it out for Christmas Eve, an absolute chaotic slew of family and friends held at her house that no one has ever missed. My heart hurts as I write this. At the same time, I am so thankful that she has been such a significant part of my life. It feels good to have so many great memories. I have never had to be anybody other than myself around her and I know her love for me is identical to the love I feel for her.

Let me just leave you with a few #shitnansays

- Seasonings Greetings (Seasons Greetings)
- Motorvate (motivate)
- Guatemala (guacamole)
- Progalong cheese (provolone)

In her words, Goodnight Irene.

[email protected]
Carlisle, Pennsylvania

comments powered by Disqus