Seizing the Oyster

July 15 2015

This feeling. This feeling is glorious. The air I breathe is infused with fascination.

My stomach is in knots. I've felt knots before, but these knots are something else. Tight like a hug. Wriggly like a puppy. Warm like the sun on my face while my eyes are closed.

And joyful!

The fingers of joy are reaching up my spine, tickling my neck, setting my hair alight.

But then, reality! I open my eyes, and the sun is still warm. The puppy still wriggles. The hug is still tight.

This is real, this is here, this is now!

I am in my element. I can speak to each and every one of you without one bit of stage fright. Do you see me grinning?

Hello, Listservians! I am thrilled to address you today.

I spend time every day what-iffing and wondering, mostly about how my life could be different and how everyone else's life is different from mine. I'm nearly exploding trying to imagine all the different people reading this email. So many options, so many choices, so many differences. How about I tell you about who I am right now, and maybe you'll see how similar our differences are?

I am a writer. This is something that defines me, because if everything else were suddenly gone, I would still have words. I self-published a novel entitled Minotaur that's available on Amazon. I have two active blogs with Wordpress, one of which is the same as my email. That one's all about the writing. Fiction, nonfiction, and even a lone poem I wrote a few days ago.

I am a wife. My husband is amazing. I love him more than anything, and I don't know what I would do without him. We've been through some seriously hard times, but we can still make each other laugh, and that's what's important.

I have two 'real' part-time jobs. Whatever. A job's a job.

My parents moved in with us this year, and since my mom has had three surgeries in the past month, I've become her primary caregiver. It's not fun, and I salute those of you who can do this day in and day out, forever.

I live with four cats, a dog, and two turtles.

I love to read. Anything but Westerns.

I love to hike. My dream is to thru-hike the Appalachian Trail with my husband. We've never attempted a long distance hike, but we're both stubborn as hell. I think we'd make it. And love it.

I know it can be a challenge to appreciate the haves when you're hung up on the have-nots. I'm infertile. My husband and I tried for nearly a decade to conceive a biological child. We did not, due to lack of insurance coverage for infertility, lack of local resource availability, and lack of empathy from medical professionals.

I struggle with depression--another challenge when it comes to resources and empathy. Mostly, I deal with it. I've had plenty of practice. Sometimes medication helps.

I have led an amazing life so far. Don't get me wrong, it's been unbelievably horrible at times. But a lot of cool stuff has happened. I mean, come on. I wrote a novel! I won the Listserve! I have made dozens of people happier!

Advice? Of course advice. Embrace the thing that makes you great.

Thanks to Justine at A Half-Baked Life for introducing me to the Listserve!

I can't wait to hear from you. Really.

P.S. And dragons. My husband requested dragons.The best dragons are from Anne McCaffrey's Pern.

April Cross
[email protected]
Louisiana, USA

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