The Five Stages of Winning the Listserve

June 04 2015

The Five Stages of Winning the Listserve:

1) Shock: On one hand, you'll be impressed by the extremely low percent chance of this happening, and how lucky you are. Statistics are weird, man. On the other hand, don't even pretend like you haven't sat and thought about what you'd write to the Listserve masses. This stage may morph into Panic if you're the type who ignores your email over the weekend.

Example: Hey, I won! Look how cool I am. Holycrap,Igotthis30hoursago,andhavea48hourwindow.

2) Anger/Sadness: This stage largely revolves around the realization that you probably don't have that many life happenings that make for fantastic or breath taking stories. In addition, you'll come to realize that your life advice is likely cliche, and that most of us dream of doing amazing things but can't for some reason, living each day hopeful of what's around the corner and making the best of the situation. Also, you're probably not that witty.

Example: Today's accepted norms are yesterday's hazy horizons? It's alright to shoot for the stars, just make sure you have a landing procedure?

3) Inspiration: Eureka, you've done it. Remember that one time you did that one cool thing? You'll smile, thinking of it fondly, as you type out a glorious and detailed depiction, noting exactly how you felt and how it changed your life for the better.

Example: I went on a weekend long road trip to a beautiful ocean coastline 4 hours away in middle of nowhere Australia with two guys who I had known for 48 hours and didn't know their last names or have a working phone or know our destination. It was crazy.

4) Realism: The realization that you tend to skip Listserve submissions when they're too wordy.

Example: Almost skipping the email saying you won because you were feeling too lazy to read Listserve today.

5) Submission: Sending it in knowing that while you didn't change the world, you likely didn't hurt it either.

Example: people will forever know that somewhere in this great wide world is someone that thinks Cold War Kids is a great band, any drink with elderflower in it is amazing, and that people for the love of god should use their goddamn turn signal. Started from the mitten, now I'm here.

But for real, be the best version of you everyday, try something new as often as possible,  and remember that humor doesn't have to be at anyone's expense. Also, I really like cool stickers to put on my beer fridge, so hit me up if you wanna do some sort of swap, or if you've been dying to try out some new bar in Houston.

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Clutch City, TX

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