Brains are evil

March 12 2015

Brains are evil. They will be the cause of human extinction. Don’t believe it? That’s ok, it’s basically a fail-safe switch in your brain to prevent you from reaching this conclusion. Here are the facts:

1. There is an alien race at the center of the universe – let’s just call them the Mindvourers. Interestingly enough, as we are not fully able to comprehend their shape the closest approximation that makes sense to us is an image of energy sucking vortexes on 4 hairy legs. No, the legs don’t get sucked into the vortex.

2. The Mindvourers’ only source of food is brains – brains of the kind found for example in all vertebrates and most invertebrate animals on earth.

3. Around the time they ran out of food sources on their home planet the Mindvourers came up with a cunning plan – a “fertilizer” for organic brain tissue that could be distributed across the universe with the goal to grow underdeveloped organic brain tissue into super brains.

4. Super brains would eventually convince the host body (like for example us humans) to build vessels and fly to the Mindvourers’ planet

5. Upon arrival the super brains will be consumed through quick and easy suction into the vortex shaped four-leggers.

* The vortex shaped aliens can reverse the flow of their vortexes. This way they are able to create things. What mechanism exists within the vortexes to make this work I have not yet discovered.
* The vessels to distribute the fertilizer are all around us. Human scientists currently call this dark matter.

Brains are evil.

Ergo, stop thinking about this too much. You are just adding fuel to the brainy fire.

If you want to sponsor my research fund to further analyze the vortexes' complex production system, send Bitcoins here 12FTEpHWfaUXTdV1kGy4JVYYJ33y912Zvm

Andre Marenke
[email protected]
Madrid, Spain

PS: Dan is great.

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